Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
There is so much emotion inside of me; this very moment; but I’m having the hardest time conveying it.
It could be the grapes; it could be the late hour- I really don’t know.
What I do know is that I am going to bed tonight, tired and a little bit tipsy, content; because I have just had the most amazing evening with my friends. We toasted the evening with, not one, but two $80 dollar bottles of wine, provided by a lovely, generous and witty elder friend of ours, PJ. He had us in stitches!
Sometimes when I think of the times we are having, I get emotional- it’s an intense happiness; and I haven’t found the words to describe this feeling yet. But I will.
Just not tonight.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sundays, and sometimes Mondays, I curse the devil and vow to never walk down the dark road again- believing whole heartedly that I can uphold this vow; but once the cloud, that is THE hangover, lifts, I am once again ripe for another fit of merrymaking. At twenty two, twenty three and twenty four, I could be effortlessly persuaded into a 6am’er on a Monday evening; not today.
Those days are clearly gone.
Consuming more than four drinks and omitting the obligatory gallon of water before bed, surely guarantees a room spinning, foot on the ground kind of hangover- the only strain I’m graced with at present- if that isn’t a sign of aging, I don’t know what is.
It’s in those moments where I feel enlightened; and it becomes excruciatingly definite, that I am no longer a child.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Payday is the day that every twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight and twenty nine year old looks forward to the most. It’s the day where the pit in our stomachs, will briefly recede; because for a moment the clawing grapple, that living paycheck to paycheck induces, temporarily subsides.
The night before payday is like Christmas Eve; it’s the night we wait with childhood anticipation for real-life Santa to bestow upon us our bi weekly gift. Always promising to be good and spend wisely the next pay period; a promise that will no doubt be brushed by the way side with tomorrow’s endowment. It’s the cycle- I’m used to it.
I live for payday eve. I’ve been known on an occasion or two to spend my last monies on a tidbit for myself; a reward for making it two more weeks without having to grovel from my parents.
At this point in my life, I call that’s winning.
Nevertheless, today is a special day; Happy Pay Day Eve. Buy yourself something nice!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
But as an adult it’s hard to diary like a child. I mean maybe it’s because I am so out of practice or I don’t care to recall the small things. I forget so easily these days; not because I can’t remember but because I’m too busy being “in my twenties”, that the small things are far too insignificant compared to growing up. I thought by now that I would have “grown up” enough to be able to stop and savor my station in life; but I haven’t really. Or at least I don’t feel as though I have. It’s weird.
Writing everyday is going to be challenge for me, not because I can’t write- I can; but what if nothing happens. Discoveries of the exciting variety come less frequently; and gone are the days when things were new- I mean, I’ve lost my virginity, I've had the amazing pleasure of getting my period and my heart has been broken more times than I have fingers- the jig is up.
Today nothing new or exciting happened; it was just another day being twenty six.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Today is my birthday- I am twenty six years old. The picture is of me when I was almost six years old, on the day of my kindergarten graduation; the innocence in my eyes is not lost on me in the slightest. Wide eyed and ready to absorb the world; how cute.
Aren’t birthdays weird? It’s a day just like the last; but it’s incredibly symbolic- it’s crossing yet another threshold marked only by three hundred and sixty five days. On my birthday, despite the many Facebook and text message well wishes, I tend to feel alone; I always shed a few tears on this day; and today will be no different. I’ll never be five, fifteen or twenty five again and the nostalgic in me mourns those times and their passing. Reason and reality hint that things are only getting better; the baby fat is gone, my skin is clear, my hormones are *somewhat* balanced and with each year I inch closer to the woman I want to be. So, yes, the rational side of me knows things are getting better; but today, and every birthday, is a day of reflection, sadness and celebration.
Birthdays are bittersweet; and, like I said, kind of weird.
But today as I cross the threshold into yet another grouping of three hundred and sixty five days, I’ll shed a few tears, have a few drinks and eat a cupcake; because today is my birthday; and, today, I am twenty six.